The Deevolution of Sesshoumaru's Face
by Vantrika
Summary: Rin has always wanted to have a house and a family and kids and she wants to be a mommy and...WHO'S supposed to be the 'Daddy!


Rin sat there, looking very angelic. She had a habit of doing this. All too frequently, in Sesshoumaru's opinion. She needed to be meaner.

The Demon Lord himself, on the other hand, looked bored. He had a habit of doing this. All too frequently, in Rin's opinion. He needed to be nicer.

"Sessh…" started Rin quietly. She had rehearsed this to herself many times. And now, in this moment of truth, she could barely make her throat work. She took a deep breath and started over.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" she asked timidly, her whisper barely reaching his ears.

"…?"

Rin, who had spent the past few years in the company of the demon lord, had learned to interpret his many different responses, including "…", "…?", and the almighty "--".

She took this one to mean 'continue.'

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I have been having strange things happen to me lately. I feel funny."

"Hold still," said the youkai. He started to ease Tenesaiga from its sheath.

"No, Sesshoumaru-sama, not like that!" said Rin quickly.

Sesshoumaru put the sword away, a hint of resentment touching his face. He looked down at his small charge. "…?" he said, again meaning "continue."

"Well, I…sometimes get these sad feelings inside…"

The youkai shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"…And sometimes, I miss you a lot, even though you're only gone for an hour or so…"

He resisted the urge to fidget. Fidgeting is _not_ an appropriate behavior for a Demon Lord.

"…but, then, when you come back, I feel happy inside again…"

_Please,_ he prayed, to any deities that may or may not exist. _Do not let this head where I think it's heading._

"And, well, the only answer I can think of is that it's all linked with…"

_Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease…_

"Well, it's all linked with, well…"

_I will never try and kill my brother again…_

"Oh, why is this so hard to say!"

_I will never slaughter innocents…_

"Let's see. I'll start over."

_I will melt my swords and use only Tenesaiga's healing power…_

"Well, when you're not around I'm sad, but when you come back, I'm so happy I think I could cry…"

I_ could cry_.

"And, well, I'm guessing that this means…"

_She needs a mother. She needs a pet. She needs a bath. Oh, please, just not…_

"I love you, Sesshoumaru-sama!" exclaimed the little girl.

"…"

For all Rin's mad translation skills, she had trouble interpreting the look on her caretaker's face. "Sesshoumaru-sama? What's wrong? If you don't feel the same way, I understand…"

"I mean, I've always wanted to have a family of my own…"

_…!_

"With a little dojo with a tree in the front yard, and maybe Jaken could be the doggie…"

_…!_

"With little children running barefoot around in the yard…"

_…!_

"And then the husband comes home and the whole family eats dinner and…"

_…!_

"And then the grown-ups drink sake and the children drink milk and then the children get tucked into bed, and a kiss on the head from mommy and a kiss on the head from Daddy…"

"And then the Mommy and the Daddy go into their room, and then in the morning the Baby-Lady brings another baby…"

Sesshoumaru did the only thing any dignified adult with _any_ sense of decency could do.

He did not throw her onto the ground and make passionate pedophilic under-age love to her, much to the disappointment of the fangirls.

He did not grab her by the arms and throw her off a cliff.

He did not do any _throwing_ whatsoever, actually. He should be commended for his restraint.

He squeaked. (Perhaps _squicked_ would be a better word, but _squick_ is not a sound effect).

Rin looked appalled. "Sesshoumaru-sama, I didn't know that _you_ had a dirty mind like the Bad Monk!"

His face then achieved an era of evolution, all compressed into about twenty long, awkward seconds.

First he paled.

Then he blushed, at the absurdity of it all.

And at the fact that she _knew_ what dirty thoughts were, and was probably thinking them herself.

Then he turned a pale shade of green.

He then turned slightly bluish, as in his moments of awkwardness he had forgotten to breathe adequately.

Both eyes widened in shock, then one slowly receded into his head, causing a moderately squinty look.

His whole head retracted on his neck, so as to create the impression of a double chin.

His eyebrows shot up. Way up.

His mouth pulled down.

His jaw dropped, then closed quickly.

He looked somewhere between a mutilated cow-chicken crossbreed and a constipated lizard.

He glared down at her.

She nodded, then hung her head. "I understand, My Lord."

He got her a dog the next day. A fluffy little puppy with cute little doggie ears.

"He's so cute!" she squealed.

"Hnnmph!" argued the dog through its muzzle.

"You look a little bit like Sesshoumaru-sama," said Rin thoughtfully. "I know, let's play pretend! You pretend to be Sesshoumaru-sama, and I'll be Rin-chan, and we'll have a family!"

"HHNNNMPH!" the dog squealed.

"Have a fun time with puppy," said Sesshoumaru stiffly. "And don't you dare hurt her, brother."

Crap. Now he was in debt to his _brother_. This did not bode well…


End file.
